I am not particularly good at making friends. I have a few friends, some of whom have been friends for a very long time. And I have some new friends too that I really like. Given that I have four kids and I don’t get out often, they are incredibly tolerant of my schedule and are willing to come to me for visits. For that I am grateful.
I ran into someone who used to be my friend last night. Our husbands play hockey together, and it was family night at the semifinal game. While it was nice to see her, it was awkward and sad for me. She and I were incredibly good friends. Her youngest daughter is only 3 months older than Meg and the girls were inseparable. We lived in the same neighborhood; actually, that is why we bought our house there. Our families spent a ton of time together. But a few years ago, she stopped returning my phone calls to have the girls play together or just to chat. I kept trying for quite a while, but finally stopped making the effort to call. Walking away from a friendship is not something I do easily. I have really only done it twice before, and am still sad about those. Seeing her last night stirred up memories of the good times we used to have. Her daughter wouldn’t even talk to Meg and Meg seemed sad too. I don’t look at this situation as a “what did I do wrong” kind of a situation. I know that she turned away from me, not the other way around. Still, it’s sad when relationships just fade away like that.
I’ve found new friends though. They’re here, on the internet, through this blog. Only one of my readers is a friend in real life (she is my oldest and dearest friend), but soon I’ll be meeting a couple of bloggers and I’m really looking forward to that. I email or chat with a few bloggers and it’s fun. It’s a different kind of friendship, the one I’ve formed through my blog. There is something about the tiny bit of anonymity that we have when we write. Even though I don’t use fictitious names, I can’t say that I let everything about me come out thru my writing. I’ve said before I don’t write about everything. I leave my marriage out of my blog for the most part, and I hate talking about money or politics or things like that. I suppose some of my hesitation to reveal so much is that fear of getting hurt; what if I say something and people stop reading? What if I say just the wrong thing and my friends inadvertently get hurt? That said, I do know that I have new friends and ones that I am so happy to have. They help me when I’m down, they encourage me, they make me smile. And for that, I’m grateful.