I blogged once before about my cravings and how much more stable and sane I would feel if those things were to come true. I feel incredibly unhinged the majority of the time. I want my life to be going in a certain direction, and as soon as I feel that it’s the tiniest bit off, my emotions go berserk and I can’t reign them in.
While I was away last weekend at Blogvention2008, Doug gave the twins a bit more freedom in the house. I don’t blame him for doing it, because it would be nice for them to learn that no, they cannot climb on the piano bench and that the computer is NOT for them to bang on. At their age, Drew had complete freedom in the house. Anyway, since I have come home, I haven’t been able to deal with them having that freedom. They’re sitting here in the computer room right now, looking at books that they really shouldn’t be touching and it’s all I can do not to go put them back into the living room. They shove the baby gates aside because they can (with the configuration of our house, we have no way of attaching gates to anything at all) and basically do whatever they please. The word no means nothing to them at all.
If I had just one wish, it would be that either I can deal with them tearing apart my house, or in the alternative, that they would listen to me. The lack of control that I feel daily is killing me. I am constantly yelling to get someone to listen, but it doesn’t work. I try to let them have their freedom and they do things like pull all the things off the fridge, take food out of the pantry, or chase the poor kittens. They climb the stairs, which is a BIG no-no here due to Annie’s cast and the fact that they aren’t good coming down them yet. So I spend my days literally hovering; I have to stay in the room they’re in or they run rampant. If I try to go brush my teeth, I catch them banging on the computer (no laptop here), and going to the bathroom is right out unless someone is here to watch their every move, or they’re in their highchairs. Never mind the fact that Drew is an absolute NIGHTMARE with them these days, knocking them down, taking their toys and running around like an idiot himself. I have even less control with him it seems.
So I’ll breathe a little, have more coffee and try to deal. But what I really want to do is go away. I want to run away and let someone else have this life for awhile. It really is becoming too much for me to handle.