I’ve been drafting this blog post in my head on and off since last week. I have a tendency to write eloquently in my head, but when I sit down to type, it all comes out in a jumble. I haven’t had a lot to say lately. Correction~I haven’t had a lot to say that is really worth saying. Oh, I could complain about my husband’s lack of a full April vacation, or that after a month the kids are still not adjusting to his schedule. But honestly, I don’t want to. I don’t want to complain about my kids, or my husband or anything. It just feels…wrong. In the wake of Maddie Spohr’s passing, I’ve felt differently about my blog, my Twitter account, everything.

I’ve spent time in the last couple of weeks trying to imagine how Heather and Mike, people I “only” know thru their blogs, are coping with a silent house. I’ve tried to visualize my life without one of my children, to silence their voices when we’re all in a room, and I absolutely cannot do it. I cry when I read tweets on Twitter, or blog posts that people have written about Maddie, Heather or Mike. Doug says I should stop reading, but I can’t. I don’t want to. I don’t want to forget, because it could happen to any of us. We could be Heather and Mike.

So I’m taking my blog, and tweets, in a different direction for awhile. It’s my small way to remember. I’ll be around, commenting here and there. I’ll post, but you won’t hear me complaining about my kids or my life. I have so much to be thankful for and I’m trying to remember that. I don’t want to regret things said or done. I want to enjoy my family, my life. I want to remember.


7 thoughts on “Changes

  1. I think there is a lot of us that have taken for granted what we have and it is really sad that it takes something so tragic to make us wake up and realize our lives aren’t so terrible after all. May God bless and guide your friends thru this very difficult time.

  2. I completely understand this. Since we lost our nephew, I have to be careful not to be *too* hyperaware that happiness can be fleeting. Still, we all take our lives for granted in the small moments, and it’s important to try and be mindful and present as much as possible.

  3. I’m struggling with this too. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I don’t want the unthinkable to happen with a blog post just posted about how I bribed her to sleep with 15 million dollars. I want to be my authentic self and not live with the fear of death looming….and I also want to be more appreciative of every moment I have. Just another thing to try to balance while holding a 24lb 9 month old.

  4. Beautifully said. I’m here via Cass’ blog and I second everything you’ve written here. We’ve had a very, VERY tough week. My husband is having health issues, we’re worried about his job, and my daughter is teething and WHINY as all get-out. Somehow, it just doesn’t seem to be that BIG anymore, you know? I think of what Heather and Mike, Shana and Rich are going through and I’m able to shrug it off and go on. Their children touched my lives in ways that I wish they never had to… but nevertheless, I’m keeping this lesson.

  5. Well said. I tend to get caught up in the ‘stuff’ of the day and forget how wonderful it is to have my family with me here, all healthy and awesome. Thank you for the reminder.

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