I’ve been drafting this blog post in my head on and off since last week. I have a tendency to write eloquently in my head, but when I sit down to type, it all comes out in a jumble. I haven’t had a lot to say lately. Correction~I haven’t had a lot to say that is really worth saying. Oh, I could complain about my husband’s lack of a full April vacation, or that after a month the kids are still not adjusting to his schedule. But honestly, I don’t want to. I don’t want to complain about my kids, or my husband or anything. It just feels…wrong. In the wake of Maddie Spohr’s passing, I’ve felt differently about my blog, my Twitter account, everything.
I’ve spent time in the last couple of weeks trying to imagine how Heather and Mike, people I “only” know thru their blogs, are coping with a silent house. I’ve tried to visualize my life without one of my children, to silence their voices when we’re all in a room, and I absolutely cannot do it. I cry when I read tweets on Twitter, or blog posts that people have written about Maddie, Heather or Mike. Doug says I should stop reading, but I can’t. I don’t want to. I don’t want to forget, because it could happen to any of us. We could be Heather and Mike.
So I’m taking my blog, and tweets, in a different direction for awhile. It’s my small way to remember. I’ll be around, commenting here and there. I’ll post, but you won’t hear me complaining about my kids or my life. I have so much to be thankful for and I’m trying to remember that. I don’t want to regret things said or done. I want to enjoy my family, my life. I want to remember.