I’ve been a mom for almost 10 years. When I was pregnant with Meg, well meaning people gave me all kinds of advice, like “nap when the baby naps” and information on what kinds of diaper, wipes, etc. to use. But no one, not one single person, gave the kind of advice that they should have given about being a parent. So, today it’s my turn to share some golden nuggets of information.
1. Kids will get sick. They will share germs with siblings and they will get sick again. No amount of saying “stay out of your brother/sister’s face” will stop the sickness from coming back full circle more than once.
2. Kids find public restrooms fascinating. You will have had your child use the bathroom at your home before you leave but they will inevitably need to pee at Target/hairdresser/Borders/dentist/doctor/hockey rink as soon as you walk in the door. They will find said public restrooms so utterly fascinating they will need to use them multiple times during your short visit, thereby making it a long visit. You will need a strong drink upon returning home.
3. Your children will fight over seemingly innocuous things like who will turn the tv on or off, or who will get in or out of the car first or last. There is no rhyme or reason as to when said fights will erupt so don’t bother trying to figure it out. It will just give you gray hair.
4. Kids have no desire to have clean rooms. They would rather live in squalor and never be able to find a single toy than take the 5 minutes to put their things away. If you clean their rooms for them, they will immediately muck it up. It’s a terrible cycle that ends with more gray hair on your head. Let ’em live in squalor with the caveat that they can’t complain when they can’t find anything.
5. The minute you sit down to read, or check your email or take/make a phone call or go to the bathroom, one of your children will steal a toy/book/crayon from a sibling and all hell will break loose. Don’t bother trying to pee or talk on the phone until your children are in school full time.
So, that’s my bit of well meaning advice. Anyone else want to share?